Tell me if this sounds familiar: you’re talking with a friend or family member about something really exciting happening in your life.
While you’re sharing this experience, they say something along the lines of “Oh! That reminds me of the time when I…” and they proceed to turn the conversation towards themselves.
Now, there are times when relating to an experience is helpful and can show that they have empathy for whatever you’re going through.
But, sometimes that’s not what you need and it can come off as insensitive and even a tad narcissistic.
We’ve talked before about ASS ANCHORS. Or people that bring you down or away from your goals. It might be time for us to revisit this and give you the opportunity to reevaluate some of the people in your life and see how they offer their support.
Behavioral support can be
While informational support is usually provided by the coaches or trainers, emotional, appraisal, and instrumental support is super important and oftentimes necessary from your friends and family. Going back to the scenario mentioned in the beginning, if that person is unable to give you emotional or appraisal information, instead of cutting them off and considering them unsupportive, ask them if they’d like to go shopping with you to pick up some more workout clothes or exercise equipment to have at home. Some people just will not be able to fill certain support roles that you need. And that’s okay. However, if they are completely unsupportive and try to talk you out of pursuing your goals, then it might be time to reevaluate the part they play in your life.
People who offer emotional support will provide a listening ear when you might be struggling. A lot of times, I have found that many people who think they’re providing emotional support have a tendency to offer advice. While that may be helpful in some scenarios, if advice is not asked for, I find that it is not helpful. Sometimes you just need someone to hear you out and allow you to work through the issue by talking and finding the solution on your own!
In no way am I encouraging you to cross people out of your life and cut ties with your close friends and family. What I am saying is that some people aren’t fit for certain situations and might actually be unable to provide certain support for you. Find what they’re good at and use what they have to help you carry on towards being the best version of you.
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Rachel Palepale has been part of the First Capital Gym team since November 2021. She has been coaching since August 2021. She has a B.A. in Professional Writing.